But What About the Money?!

But What About the Money?!

Hilarious satire in The Onion yesterday, in which Federal Reserve chairman Bernanke was giving a report to congress in the midst of this pandemic.

“The U.S. economy ceased to function this week after unexpected existential remarks by Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke shocked Americans into realizing that money is, in fact, just a meaningless and intangible social construct.

What began as a routine report before the Senate Finance Committee Tuesday ended with Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire concept of currency, and negating in an instant the very foundation of the world’s largest economy.

“Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act appropriately if we…if we…” said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of this—this so-called ‘money’—really matters at all.”

Congressmen sat in shocked silence for several minutes until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) shouted, “Oh my God, he’s right. It’s all a mirage. All of it—the money, our whole economy—it’s all a lie!”

dumbfounded citizens everywhere walked on their jobs “as they contemplated the little green drawings of buildings and dead white men they once used to measure their adequacy and importance as human beings.”

“What a cruel cosmic joke,” Bernanke added. “I’m going home to hug my daughter.”

I know, I know. Although money IS an abstract mental construct, it’s mighty helpful when you need to buy a car and only have fifty goats to barter with. Yes, we did construct ‘money’, but there really is such a thing as Value, right? “Nation” is an abstract mental construct, too. In fact, one could argue that our entire perspective of the cosmos is mentally constructed. It’s the best we can do to conceptualize intangibles, which we acknowledge, do exist. Value exists, Nations exist. Love, Truth, Beauty and Justice exist. Our social construct to portray them goes awry, like Love=sex, Beauty=Miss Bumbum, but that doesn’t mean love and beauty are empty lies.

God exists. When I discuss that with atheists and they tell me God is an abstract mental construct, I point out that so is money, but they want their paycheck this Friday.