The Ball-Biting, Snake-Eating King of the Jungle, the Honey Badger

I watched a video of honey badgers kicking the butts of not just one, but six lions. Actually, the grown lions knew better, but the teenagers thought the little badgers looked tasty. Oops-live and learn. They have a thick, loose coat, so when some big thing bites them, they whip around inside their coat and bite back.

That’s not all. Honey Badgers are considered the most fearless animals on earth. Imagine fighting somebody who has absolutely no fear of dying. That’s not all. Because they are fearless, they either ignore big predators or run toward them to pick a fight. This works even with groups of lions and hyenas, who are much bigger than honey badgers.

That’s not all. The 30 pound animal likes to eat snakes and doesn’t care if they are venomous. If they are bitten, they might faint for half and hour or so, but soon shake their heads and go on their way. That’s not all. They can release a stink from their anal pouch that can gag a maggot. Even that’s not all. They are known to castrate attackers and wait for them to bleed to death.

As if all this wasn’t enough, they are blazingly clever. At one rescue station the badger escaped repeatedly, came in the house, opened the fridge and trashed the place. The keeper said you don’t dare try to stop them. The little bugger learned to open the lock on his cage, so they made him a cement pen. He climbed the tree, waited until the branch dropped to the top of the wall and got out. They cut down the tree. He rolled rocks into a corner and climbed out. They removed the rocks. He made mud balls, rolled them into a corner and got out. If they leave a broom or shovel in the pen, he props them in a corner and gets out.

When they tried to sneakily film badgers raiding a restaurant with hidden cameras, the badgers arrived, broke some camera equipment, walked among the guests, climbed in their seats and scarfed down their meals. No stealth required. They have no fear of camera men and biologists but the camera man and biologist must fear honey badgers because they wore plastic groin guards.

Tarzan is not king of the jungle, and the Lion King has been deposed. The king of the jungle is a clever, fearless, short-legged, stinky little guy who just might bite your balls off.

Honey Badgers-Masters of Mayhem

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