Law of Horizontal Attraction

Law of Horizontal Attraction
Law of Horizontal Attraction

I have formulated a theory and have tested it so often it is now a law: Je’s Law of Horizontal Attraction. Please feel free to test it at you house.

The Law of Horizontal Attraction: Horizontal surfaces attract things: letters, pens, books, snacks, cell phones, all kinds of things. I tested it after the last art class by leaving the tables I hauled from other rooms right in the middle of the living room. Then, like a good scientist, I hid behind my laptop and observed.

The first day the tables attracted the mail, writing implements and a Batman decal. By the second day it was covered with the afore-mentioned (scientists do not interfere with observational experiments-by like-cleaning off the table) plus a sneaker, a hairnet, an apron, several coupons and two bags of cleaning supplies somebody picked up at Dollar General.

I blew the experiment at that point by putting the cleaning supplies away. The person who brought them seemed to think, “Hey, I killed this buffalo, you don’t expect me to skin it too, do you?” In fact, I cleared off the table and then sat and waited. By the end of the day the table had attracted a half-eaten bag of trail mix, a text book, a bottle of turtle wax (they don’t wax turtles, do they?) a screwdriver and somebody’s work schedule.

I say the Law of Horizontal Attraction is valid and I hereby submit it for peer review. 🙂

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