I survived! 3 Quick Safety Tips

When attacked by fly tape do not panic
When attacked by fly tape
do not panic

“Ow-freakin’ knife!” I complained irrationally, seeking out my 18 year-old grandson for sympathy.

“How did you do that?” He asked, examining my cut finger with concern. “I was trying to fix the couch,” I explained.

“WITH A KNIFE?!” Well, yes, actually, but it’s a long story and the title says “Quick Safety Tips” So here is:

#1: Don’t try to fix the couch with a knife.

On a brighter note, I did just successfully fix the shower with duct tape; really cute duct tape with little mustache designs, I thought as I pulled off a piece. Since my keepers had  removed all knives from the vicinity, I bit the tape to tear it. And lost a layer of skin on my lower lip. Safety tip:

#2 Don’t bite duct tape.

Two days ago I backed into a ribbon of fly tape. I panicked and did a bunch of spider-web-ninja-moves to get it off me and guess what? That makes it MUCH worse. Unless you have been through this (or maybe unless you are a fly) you have NO IDEA how sticky this stuff is. Final safety tip:

#3 If you back into a ribbon of fly tape, do not panic. Scream for help maybe. But scream calmly.

I told a young visitor about the fly tape catastrophe. “That is so typical. I can totally picture you doing something like that,” he said, as he, keeping an appointment with karma, bent over a candle and burned his hair.

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